It’s been a funny couple of weeks, friends. Don’t read if blood makes you queasy.
Last Thursday, I was working from home minding my own business when something really unlucky happened.
Well, I say that as if it happened out of nowhere. It was actually me being a clumsy buffoon. I was butt naked in the middle of a February day for reasons I won’t go into and I knocked a glass over in the bathroom. We keep it on a top shelf with toothbrushes and tongue brushes and such in. Anyway, it dropped from this height and my reflexes couldn’t really compete with the objects inside flying everywhere, so I merely screamed as the glass collided with the toilet seat.
It smashed into several big pieces and dozens and dozens of tiny ones that would haunt us for the next couple of days. As the sounds of smashing ended, I stopped screaming and I thought the worst was over and I’d only be embarrassed and annoyed at myself for putting glass in the bathroom… duh… but then I looked down at my leg and realised a big shard had rebounded into my leg and sliced a sizeable flap of skin.
At first it was bleeding too much for me to really see if it was an emergency or not, but it was too low to be near an artery and make me worry about dying. So I let Dan help me out and he kindly cleaned it for me and wrapped it up and I elevated my foot, but after a while it became clear that the bleeding hadn’t stopped. So we opened ‘er up and, while it wasn’t seriously deep, it was deep enough that I could see fat tissue and started feeling a bit sick.
Our First Aid supplies were limited, so off we went to A&E, who saw me right away for what I thought was triage, and then they just patched me up then and there. Not quite deep enough to get the needle up but I had some strong steristrips and glue to pull my leg back together.
And so after a week of really getting back on my fitness hype in the mornings, I was told I couldn’t exercise for a week. Ugh. I had a splits workshop booked in at the pole studio, but being a few days after the injury, and the wound’s place right near my knee bend, bending and straightening my leg over and over for an hour and a half would probably be the worst thing I could have done.
So anyway, I was filled with frustration at continual setbacks and it set off all sorts of feelings I had been having in general. Like, being so focused on some big life changes recently that I haven’t really had as much opportunity to invest time and money into my hobbies and my wellbeing and just feeling good about myself.
That all changed this week. Almost a week had passed so I gave myself permission to exercise because I did not want to miss what I had booked - the first session of a 6-week burlesque course, taught by a professional Proud Cabaret dancer.
Seeing this course opportunity was music to my… eyes?… because the dance troupe I was in last year did help nurture the love I have for burlesque, but ultimately was a commercial dance troupe with some cabaret influences. I wanted the real thing this time around and to really commit myself to this art form.
So there I was in a part of London I’d never been to before after hanging around after my office day, nervously hiding out at a local library before it was time to wait outside.
And it re-lit the fire that first started flickering when I was 18 years old, romantic and insufferable and obsessed with Marilyn Monroe, Dita Von Teese, Lana Del Rey (who still speaks to my heart - stream her new single A&W, which is a crash course on every Lana era in one track), Christina Hendricks, and any other woman who harnesses traditional views of femininity, playing that game in part, but also doing something rebellious and downright cheeky with it. Very long sentence, sorry. I only write really long sentences when something is my lifeblood, so I’m sure you understand.
This fire has been burning stronger since I went to my first burlesque show in around 2018 with friends, and then a few in quick succession last year… including fulfilling my adult lifelong dream of going to a Dita Von Teese show.
And I think it’s because, whilst it is physically demanding, it both complements my pole dancing and fills the hole when I can’t do as much of it. When I’m taking part in other types of dance, if I’m having a setback in my strength and can’t do the pole tricks I can do when I’m in tiptop shape, I have other strengths I can celebrate.
Session 1 had us learning a traditional bump ‘n’ grind routine. Part of my frustration in the troupe last year was that a lot of commercial choreography was replicated for the troupe and given quite a small adjustment to make it suitable for burlesque, whereas my heart lies with classic burlesque choreography. It suited me much better.
In summary, setbacks are a part of life and you can always bounce back. My leg is slowly healing but it’s going to leave a very obvious scar - appropriately, in the shape of a boomerang. So that will be my reminder.
Forever,
💌
Lau.